Answer

Adults should be understanding and compassionate about this problem. Even if they can't be, they should understand that scolding or any insensitive remark will not make the situation better. It will only add to the misery the child already feels.

A child cannot use willpower to overcome bedwetting, but an insensitive adult can use willpower to keep rude remarks to himself. If the adult is willing to discuss his or her reasons for not having much compassion, you can inquire why that is so. There must be a reason.

Some parents see it as a reflection of their own lack of control to help their child. Feeling out of control in that area, they blame the victim. Some parents are very concerned about what others think of them. They are over-focused on their own feelings and under-focused on the child's. A parent with low esteem or feelings of inadequacy will be critical when others have problems, because they are unhappy with themselves.

Sometimes an adult's lack of compassion about bedwetting (or other child-focused issues) is really a diversion from marital issues. For example, if parents argue about discipline and, say, the father thinks the mother "babies" the children or is too lenient, he may be overcritical about bedwetting, because he is aggravated by his wife's overall parenting style. The solution then is to find ways to accommodate to each other's parenting styles in a cooperative way rather than be adversaries.