You're Not Alone: What Single Parents Need to Know About Bedwetting
By Beth Skarupa and Lyn Mettler
The number of single parents in the United States is staggering. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, single mothers head 12 percent and single fathers head 4 percent of all U.S. households. And with five to seven million children over age 5 wetting the bed, according to the National Kidney Foundation (NKF), that's no shortage of single parents working through enuresis with their kids.
From disagreements with your former spouse over how to manage the issue to trying to tackle the mounds of laundry on your own, handling bedwetting as a single parent has its unique challenges. With a little support, however, and the knowledge that dry days are ahead, single parents can better help their children through bedwetting and keep their sanity in the process!
Different Strokes
From disagreements with your former spouse over how to manage the issue to trying to tackle the mounds of laundry on your own, handling bedwetting as a single parent has its unique challenges. With a little support, however, and the knowledge that dry days are ahead, single parents can better help their children through bedwetting and keep their sanity in the process!
"My former spouse was a bedwetter until age 10 and doesn't seem to feel that this is anything to worry about," says Leslie Stokes*, a single mother of four in Columbus, Ohio, whose 12-year-old son wets the bed. Stokes, however, feels it is more of a concern.
Phoebe Baron*, a single mother of two in New York whose 15-year-old son wet the bed until he was 11, was also unhappy with her ex-husband's reaction to her son's bedwetting. "He bothered me about it," she says. "He blamed my son as if he did it on purpose."
Paul Coleman, family therapist and psychologist, says disagreements over bedwetting are unfortunate, as the child is best served by a unified approach that makes sense and that the parents are consistent about. "Inconsistency only hurts the child's progress," he says. "Arguments by the parents only add to the child's burden."
I Need Help!
Probably the biggest thing that comes to mind for single parents of children who wet the bed is lack of help.
"As a single parent, you have to get up by yourself throughout the night – change sheets, handle the situation sometimes two to three times a night – and still get up in the morning, get ready for work, dress/feed the kids, get them to school, etc.," says Baron. "At least in a two-parent home, the adults can share the responsibility, giving the other a break. As a single parent, there were no breaks – you had to do it all."
Stokes knows just how she feels. "It's very hard [to get up at night] when I'm sleep deprived in the first place," she says. "It would be nice if I could alternate turns getting up, since I have to wake up every morning at 5:30 a.m. for work."
What's a single parent to do? Try using GOODNITES® Underpants to help your child stay dry at night, so you can both get a good night's sleep. And of course, use your support system of friends or family to help on occasion by watching the kids while you catch a nap after work. Plus, keep in mind that bedwetting does not last forever. According to the NKF, only one or two children out of 100 still wet the bed once they turn 15.
"I know it seems like this problem will never end, but the best thing for your child is to love them the same and understand that they are not doing this on purpose," Baron says. "Just love them and help them emotionally through this and know that one day they will be dry."
Single working parents may feel like they're shortchanging their kids on time when it comes to helping them manage their bedwetting. If that is the case, Joyce Mills, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist and co-author of Sammy the Elephant and Mr. Camel (Magination Press, 1989), a picture book about bedwetting, suggests focusing on the quality, not quantity of time spent with the child. "The parent-child bonding relationship is critical in the development of a positive self-esteem," says Mills. "However, it is not about time, but about the quality of time spent. My own mother was a single mother many years ago, when it was rather rare. What I remember is the time we did spend together and how special it was."
Finding a Support System
Without a spouse by their side, some parents feel they are lacking the support they need to handle bedwetting day in and day out and to provide their child with the help and encouragement they need.
"You trust your family/partner, and it's good to have them there to support one another," says Baron. "For my son, it would have been good to have a man around to talk to him as opposed to his mom in his older age of wetting – changing him and such."
Dr. Gregory Dean, a pediatric urologist at Temple University Children's Medical Center in Philadelphia, Penn., who helped start The Dry Zone, a comprehensive treatment center for children who wet the bed, suggests that single parents look to their physician for support. "Wetting can be a frustrating and disturbing problem," says Dr. Dean. "Families should not shoulder the burden in isolation but should turn to their doctors to provide assistance."
Internet discussion lists like the community boards on the GoodNites® Brand site are also great places to meet other single parents and talk about common issues. The anonymity of the Internet allows parents to share their concerns and frustrations with others without jeopardizing their children's privacy. Baron says she wishes she had known about the GoodNites® Brand site when she was helping her son through bedwetting.
Single or not, all parents of bedwetters just have to be patient and surround their children with love and support. "Being a single parent carries special challenges, particularly with regards to time," Dr. Dean says. "However, a loving environment and parental understanding can overcome any shortcomings. The treatment of wetting primarily requires patience and understanding, both of which a single parent can easily provide."
