Kid to Kid: Talking About Bedwetting With Peers
By Melissa Granberry
Listen to the kids at recess and you probably will hear a wide range of topics, including the latest in Yu-Gi-Oh!™ trading cards, last night's episode of SpongeBob SquarePants® or the newest Game Boy® cartridge. One thing you probably won't hear being discussed is bedwetting, but, in fact, many of them are probably experiencing it each night. According to the National Kidney Foundation, between five and seven million children ages 6 and older still wet their beds.
"As the round of first-grade sleepovers got underway, we gradually learned that many of the boys in our son's class were sleep-wetting," says Sheryl Lincoln* of Maryland. "But it wasn't something the boys talked about with each other." So, if the classmates aren't talking to each other, where can they turn for support?
Who to Talk With
Though a child has no control over bedwetting, also called enuresis, the topic is still very embarrassing – especially when discussing the issue with peers. Parents can help by first explaining to the child that he is not alone. Let your child know that even though the topic is not being discussed, it's happening to other children throughout the school.
Your child will benefit by talking to someone close in age who is dealing with bedwetting or who recently overcame the problem. Children probably won't know who has the same problem at school, so parents need to be proactive and keep their ears open at soccer practice and PTA meetings for any parental discussions about enuresis. Go ahead and bring up the topic to other parents when the children are not around. More than likely, if you find a parent who also has a child with enuresis, they will be just as relieved to discuss the topic with you.
Since the problem seems to run in families, a young cousin, aunt or uncle who has dealt with the problem may be willing to talk about their experience, as well. "It has been encouraging for our son to know that my brother and my dad were bedwetters," says Gayle Hofeling who has a 12-year-old son who wets the bed. "He knows it won't last forever!"
However, be aware that talking "face-to-face" to someone, especially another child, about the topic may be scarier than facing the problem alone. This is where parents can help facilitate a discussion. When you find someone willing to talk about bedwetting with your child, suggest a phone conversation to make the topic less embarrassing for both parties. Or if your child is computer-savvy, a chat via e-mail or the Internet may make everyone more comfortable.
Log on and Learn
If your child enjoys surfing the Web, check out a few other sites geared toward children with enuresis. GoodNites® offers a Web site with a section just for kids at www.goodnites.com/kids. Your child can find helpful information on the causes of bedwetting, how to handle sleepovers and even a message board to connect with other kids experiencing the same thing. The anonymity of discussing bedwetting over the Internet, as opposed to having a direct conversation, may help your child open up and ask questions that he would not mention otherwise.
"A few months ago, my son was feeling really frustrated about his bedwetting, so I printed some statistics off of the GoodNites® Web site," says Hofeling. "It made him feel better to know that he is not alone in this, and that many children his age are going through the same thing."
Dr. Michael Ritchey, a pediatric urologist in Houston, Texas, suggests the National Kidney Foundation's site at www.kidney.org. It has a section for children and teens featuring frequently asked questions, expert advice and a printable progress calendar to help track each night that the child is dry. Baseball star Mark McGwire is even there to explain to parents and children that bedwetting is not the child's fault.
Seek Outside Help
Sometimes the feelings of frustration that often come with bedwetting can lead to emotional problems. "During my son's bedwetting, he became very depressed," says Patricia Baronowski from New York. "It was not something the other kids spoke about – kids are so embarrassed about it!"
To help him open up, she decided to seek professional help. "Though the bedwetting did not cease with counseling, my son did come out of his depression and became a very happy kid again," she says.
Regardless of whether your child talks to a classmate, relative, Internet chat member or professional counselor, make sure that someone is available to talk about bedwetting and all of the issues that go along with it. Millions of children are experiencing the same frustrations – your child will be comforted to know that he is not alone.
Visit the following additional Web sites that offer bedwetting support for both parents and kids:
